Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Missing NASCAR Disorder

Are you suffering, or think you’re suffering, from Missing NASCAR Disorder (MND)?  If you are, you’ve come to the right place to check your symptoms.  Although not permanent, it has a tendency to stick around for ninety-or-so days.

Commonly reported warning signs that you have MND:
  • At a yellow traffic light, you swerve back and forth to warm your tires for the restart.
  • You go into your favorite driver’s sponsor’s store just to think you’re helping sponsor your driver.
  • You have great difficulties turning right and make left turns around the block.
  • You start to cry and become very emotional when you hear the sound of engines revving or smell burnt rubber.
  • You yell at the person pumping gas into your car that they’re going to make you go a lap down because the “pit stop” was taking too long.
  • You pretend your hands-free device is your radio and yell at your crew chief, “I’m free in the corner!”
  • When you’re in the passing lane and your passenger is yelling, “Outside, outside, outside.  All clear!”
  • When you can’t find Race Day anywhere on television and start to cry.
  • You keep checking the SPEED channel hoping to find a re-run of a race.
  • You start to count the days until the Daytona 500 as if it’s a holiday.
  • You’re driving on the highway, get passed by another car, throw a water bottle out the window and yell, “Debris! Debris!” and pray for a caution so you can be side by side on the restart.
  • You see the American flag and yell, “Gentlemen, start your engines!”
  • You get pulled over for riding the bumper of the car in front of you and you have to explain that you were only bump-drafting.
  • You wake up yelling, “Go low, go low, go low!” after having a nightmare that your favorite driver was about to wreck.
  • When you are getting off the highway and have to go Pit Road speed on the ramp. 
  • You sit around on Sunday playing with your kid’s Hot Wheels, making revving noises while you make them run in an oval and you won’t allow your kids to play with them.

Even though this disease is present for a long period of time, the good news is it can be cured almost instantly! Possible temporary cures to MND?
  • Try to find a race replay on YouTube.
  • Write on your favorite driver’s Facebook.
  • Tweet drivers on Twitter.
  • Watch Race Hub.
  • Start a group with other NASCAR fans and talk about anything NASCAR-related.

The only sure-fire way to fully get rid of MND is to patiently wait for Speedweeks and the Daytona 500, which is now only eighty-eight very long days away!

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